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To be unemployed - Patrick [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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To be unemployed [Jul. 3rd, 2008|12:14 pm]
The idea of unemployment has never sounded too bad to me before. Always counting down the days until my next vacation, unemployment seemed to me like a great way to relax and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I was planning on quitting a mundane job with the struggling Starbuck CO, but wanted to wait until I used up all my vacation time. It was summer and I had a lot going on. I couldn't be bothered to search for a job while drinking for my birthday week, practicing flip cup for the Fourth of July, or hitting the gym for Chicago Gay Pride. (I was going to be in the parade for Christ sake!)

Like my Dad would say life never goes according to plan or Life’s not fair. My Dad's saying might not be the most original (What do you expect he learned English from watching Fantasy Island or his likened image Erik Estrada on Chips ) Even so, he was right. I was fired for celebrating my birthday week a little too hard on the final official day it would be acceptable to drag out a birthday. Free from the restraints of a job I did what any recently fired employee would do. I meet up with my not-boyfriend Rich and headed to the beach (really Lake Michigan...Midwesterners are so strange) to fly his recently purchased kite. We took the bus, something I never do, in order to save money and be responsible. After about an hour of watching my non-boyfriend fly his kite with childlike unfaltering interest, Bored; I folded up my blanket brushed the sand off my well toned derriere and hailed a 20 dollar cab ride home.

The next day my short friend Bev decided to have a "Girl and a Gay day!' which included a mani pedi, lunch, Brian OSullvan's showcase at The Playground Theater, and later dinner. This day shameless fun was sponsored by Bev's small little credit card with an apparently large credit limit. Mani Pedi's ran about $30 per person, which to me seemed to be a nice gift as Bev never really did buy me a birthday gift. (Everyone knows that drinks don't count). Lunch at The State (A swanky video bar in Lincoln Park) was actually cheap because our attractive waiter only charged us for one meal and no drinks, definitely the wrong bill. He might have been trying to get one of our numbers but, we quietly exited the premises before he realized his $50 error. After a quick power nap, which you must do when unemployed, it was off to Boystown for dinner and drinks! Cesar’s, home of the "Killer Margarita" was our destination. After one to many Jumbo Strawberry Margaritas and Bev's virgin Strawberry concoction (She can't drink she's on Kemo pills) we ordered food. Mama Bev had paid for over S100 at my expense and it was all okay because "You just lost your job honey! It's on me." I wasn't going to argue with that.

As the days wore on and my friends started (and will never stop) questioning about my job status. "Where did you apply today?" "My friend Sarah's brother can get you a job, he is the assistant manager in the seafood department at Whole Foods. They have good benefits!" "Maybe you should take the train to Second City instead of paying for parking". While shopping at Urban Outfitters for that perfect Chicago Gay Pride outfit I realized they might be right. After finding the cutest sleeveless white hoodie and a pair of red cotton cut offs from American Apparel I decided to apply for unemployment. The form itself is a slew of repetitive and for me personally obvious questions. After about a half an hour of filling in the blanks about to reach completion I saw the fine print. I was ineligible due to being fired for misconduct. I tried to fight it by writing a detailed description of what happened and explain how it wasn't my fault my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. Refusing shots on your 7th birthday celebration is just plan rude! It was to no avail because I went over the 250 character limit and my explanation lost it bite with out all my big words making me look smarter! So there I was unemployed without getting any unemployment money. It was time to reevaluate.

While getting my pre-pride waxing my waxer Matt mentioned a job opening at Hamburger Mary's new location in Boystown. I was quick to tell my friends about it to relieve any stress my unemployment may have caused them. I found over the past few days if you just mention some job opportunities your friends will leave the subject alone, at least for the rest of the day. This gives me more time to decide whether to watch General Hospital or Legally Blonde: Search for the next Elle Woods. Giving my friends the impression I’ve been actively looking for a job has been easy thanks to online applications. These applications have proved worthless to my job search but excellent to getting my friends off my back. It's Borders one day and Gap the next. "I got a second interview with Express for men" when in actuality they had just begun e-mailing me 20% off coupons. Amidst all the lies I began to trip myself up. "Whatever happened with that Burger place" my best friend Lauren asked over the phone. I removed my sunglasses applied some more Banana Boat Tanning oil and pondered for a moment basting in the mid-afternoon sun. "What Burger place?" I replied disgusted that she would even suggest I work in such a place. I might be under qualified for jobs where I have to wear a tie but I draw the line at "Would you like fries with that". “You know that Mary's place?" Lauren fished. Caught in my on lie, I took a sip of water from my Naigene and replied "Oh that, yeah I'll look into it."